October 17, (22 Months)

Unfortunately, the end of October ended horribly for us as a family of three. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. The baby had been a huge surprise and we were just getting use to the idea of everything when it happened. I suffered severe bleeding at the ER and my blood count got so low they put me on bed rest for 2 weeks trying to avoid the frustrations of a blood transfusion.

It had already been a hard 3 months since I was experiencing constant 24/7 nausea/vomiting, which I had also had with Wallis, giving me false hope all was well. I thought about writing about our loss separately then including it here, but I haven’t gotten there yet, I still can’t wrap my mind around what happened and that our baby is gone.

The only saving grace has been Wallis, she keeps our minds 100% occupied, that moments to grieve only find us in the middle of the night or randomly while doing something mundane. I am so grateful for her, and I realize even more then I did before, how truly blessed we are to have her.

Wallis is 2 months away from turning 2 years old!! I can’t believe it, I won’t believe it!

Wallis continues to make us laugh. She loves telling jokes, one of her favorites which is a terrible terrible joke if she understood it at all is to request, “dog moo moos” that’s Wallis’ word for smoothie. She loves smoothies and one day I was asking her what we typically put in her smoothies and she replied, “bananas” and I said, “what else” and she looked up with the biggest grin and said, “dogs” and I reacted with pretend horror and that’s been the go to joke ever since. Sometimes it’s “dada or pop-pop moo moos” too – nobody is safe.

Her other go to joke, which is hilariously perplexing and has me calling her “Gilly” from SNL is that she jokingly blames my uncle Paul for everything. My uncle Paul visited us a few weeks back, and she met him twice and was too shy to even look him in the eyes, but he made quite the impression because she has suddenly started referencing him.

It all started when I asked her what she had dreamed about…I went through a long list of silliness and she kept saying, “nooooo” and finally I said, “well then, what did you dream about” and she looked up with a big grin and said, “uncle Paul” which caught me so off guard, I started laughing and she loved it.

Now whatever she does that is semi naughty she blames him. For example she ran into our mudroom and untied all of Andrew’s shoes, and when Andrew jokingly smiled and said, “hey! who untied my shoes” Wallis with a huge grin said, “uncle Paul” and then ran off. Her humor is weird and I love it.

Her imaginative play is unstoppable and like the best storm ever that washes over any space she is occupying and we try very much not to disturb. I wish we could get it on film, but if we interrupt the moment she is producing all on her own – it stuns her a bit and she gets embarrassed, so we remain as still as we can.

She is obsessed with her pig or as she calls him, piggy, who when first introduced to her, she refused to let him sleep in her room. So every night she would carry him out of her room and say, “night night piggy” and then every morning, she would request his return. Now they color together, put on pajamas together, have their diaper changed together and piggy even gets to stay in the room now. Victory!

Wallis needs time to warm up to anything new. She is not only that way with people, but with objects, and food. The only thing she warms up quickly to, are books. She loves to get new books and we have to read every single new book the moment she gets them. I love that part – especially because she’ll sit in my lap and I can cuddle her for what feels like ages…something I don’t get to do as often as I’d like because she’s so busy.

While on bed rest, we started watching a show called Daniel Tiger. She LOVES it. It’s on PBS and though I was trying to wait until she was exactly 2-years-old before introducing her to any television as suggested – this is what worked best for us going through mom out of commission mode, which was stressful for her. She kept saying to Andrew, “mama sad” and so I had to figure out a way to make visiting me in bed not a scary thing, but a fun thing, since I had zero color in my face or lips and she had such worried eyes when seeing me…this worked like a charm and now she request Daniel Tiger every morning, ha! She comes charging into our room at about 7 am, has Andrew lift her into bed, pulls the covers up to her chin, cuddles under my arms ready to enjoy the program. It’s only 20 minutes…I doubt that’s going to ruin her and again, it makes my heart swell to get to hold her like that for a FULL 20 minutes.

Wallis has been obsessed with her colors and letters for awhile now (she knows all of them) but a few weeks ago she started asking me to actually draw the letters she was talking about and in their specific color too, like Y for yellow in yellow or P for pink in pink kind of thing. She tries to draw the letter too, and it’s just interesting to me to see her fascination grow and grow. Not sure why she loves colors and letters so much but she really does.

In the bathtub she pretends her floaty letters (designed for baths) are people, so P is for pop-pop and she’ll wrap the P for pop-pop in her wash cloth and pretend he’s going night night or she’ll pretend to bite the letter and I’ll say OUCH like it’s pop-pop and she loves that…which again, her humor…ha! She creates all kinds of different scenarios with her letters and it just makes me laugh.

Her favorite game though is to give and get “tickies” tickles from us. She loves to hide and then call out from her hiding places the places she could be hiding, ha! Like she’ll hide behind the door and we’ll say, “where did Wallis go” and she’ll reply, “dog beds!” But when you find her you are expected to give tickles.

Wallis loves to go to a café and sit and watch the people. We’ll bring her a little snack and she’ll sit in a chair like a wee adult, it’s the sweetest thing. There will be other kids running around and Wallis will just be sitting there like she’s waiting for a client to show up. She’ll point at all the cars and tell us the colors of each one, or she’ll count the fans on the ceiling – but she takes her café outings quite seriously and likes to really absorb her new surrounding and talk to us about what she’s seeing. Then we go on a stroller ride to the park and she loves to climb all the big kids equipment, which gives me a heart attack but I am trying to allow her to do what she feels she can (not easy for this mama). Some time she doesn’t want to go to the park and will make us go all over the neighborhoods looking at houses and trying to find squirrels, ha!

I am happy to have autumn arriving but I must admit it makes me a bit nervous, Wallis LOVES to play outside, she would live outside if we’d let her, and with the colder weather coming I keep thinking, “what are we going to do if she can’t go outside every single day?” Blerg.

Dazed from just waking up and getting ready to go see the pumpkins!

Her little smirk always makes me smile…she was very uncomfortable with so many people around, but she loved this truck and wanted to sit on it. She would have stayed there all day if we let her.

She’s giving the loud preschoolers that were visiting some serious brow…

I absolutely love this picture of her, that little face makes my heart burst…

Picking out her pumpkins. She ended up getting two tiny orange pumpkins called, “baby boos” and she talked about her baby boos all the way home.

Oh to be tiny and carted about (these are not the baby boos).


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