Hey hey Loris, you never sleep. Not sure the motivation behind Loris’ lack of slumber, but I don’t think Andrew and I have had more than 4 hours of sleep in 11 months. We look like it too.
We also had an epic whisper then text fight because of our lack of sleep. It was super dramatic and very teenager like (both girls were actually asleep so totally unaware). The thing is when your days and nights become a never-ending cycle, you lose touch, and we needed it. Sometimes you need to check-in that you are still a couple, and still want to be married, even if it is done in a very tragic let’s forget it ever happened way. The truth is, we really miss each other. Before kids we were these two entirely different but whole people, and now, though we personally are better for having kids – we are also so much more less than we use to be as individuals and as a couple….and that less needs to be nurtured too.
Loris seems to be constantly changing (as one does in their first year). One minute it seems like it could be her non-stop painful teething, but then possibly the walking…or maybe the talking…or another growth spurt…or sleep regression??? Basically I have stopped reading all articles about baby sleep, and am just crossing my fingers at this point.
Wallis never napped well, but her nights were better. Loris naps okay and her nights are terrible. And lest you think the first year sleeping issues are us, they are not. We thrive on routines in this home. We are not the parents that “play it by ear” or have ever missed a nap because we were out shopping or visiting with friends. We will die by the routine, and though that routine never seems to serve us well the first year, the years on, it is pretty much magical. We still have yyeeaarrss until we will be considered, “well rested” but we really do our best to stick to the plan, and not make sleep something our kids dread, but something they expect.
I also have the coronavirus blues too…this has for sure been a very difficult year. So many changes, so many emotions, and sooooo little sleep.
We had Loris tested for allergies last week! I was so besides myself with anxiety that day. I didn’t know how much the test would hurt and Loris has some serious stranger danger right now. She’s super friendly from a distance but if you get too close, you get slapped. As the nurse learned that tried to take her temp, ha!
We had never seen this doctor before and we won’t be seeing her again, because she actually tried to convince us out of doing the allergy test (after we had been waiting to see her for over 40 minutes). She told us that Loris didn’t have the type of issues that would cause a severe allergic reaction, and we just looked at her like, “WHAT??? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT WE’VE BEEN THROUGH.” I was so angry, I think I scared the doctor. I could not believe she didn’t believe us, and after all that we’d experienced from the scream crying for hours, the large amounts of blood in her poo, the extremely specialized food since she couldn’t even handle dairy broken down….to the countless appointments and she’s like, “it’s just not the same.”
Well I pushed back and told her we were getting the test, because to me it was the same. So she decided to give Loris the vegetarian test since that’s what Loris is and she received 15 pricks in the back of all the different allergies that vegetarians might run in to….and wouldn’t you know it…not a single allergy reacted EXCEPT DAIRY, and boy did it react. A mild allergy would be 2-3 millimeters in size. Loris’ dairy reaction was 10 millimeters in size and on top of that, a satellite pattern around it. The doctor was very surprised and said, “well now…that’s a pretty bad reaction.” So now we have an epi pen and in 6 months we can have Loris tested again but in a controlled environment. We are so relieved to have the diagnosis though, as it has been 11 months of stepping on allergy glass with not one clear path or answer…finally.
On a happier note, Loris officially started walking on her own at 10.5 months. It’s a bit tipsy, but she’s solid. However, she’s also decided to start running arms up in the air towards her destination, which is terrifying. I feel like she’s trying to make it there without falling, but really Loris, you think running on those sea legs is a good idea? Wallis was a nutty but she was more cautious – Loris uses zero caution, like a squirrel crossing the road.
Andrew thinks he’s some kind of baby whisperer (eye roll) so he’s much better about it, but I can barely film her because I am so busy trying to make sure she doesn’t crack her head open. Most of my videos these days are abruptly cut short with me saying, “oh my word! Oh no! Okay let’s not do that” Lots of cut to black. I’ll improve as she improves, but it’s just so damn hard to watch and not feel impending catastrophe.
It should be noted that Loris has suffered several boo boos at the hand of dearest dada, and zero with mama. Loris even knocked over and shatter my glass (and favorite) large cake stand, cutting her tiny big toe. Wallis cried, “it was her best toe!” And all I could think about was Little Women and the part where Jo reveals she’s cut her hair, her “one true beauty” ha! And yes, Andrew is still alive despite it….barely.
Also on another happier note. Loris is officially off of her gerd meds, and has done very little spit-ups since 10 months! I think we have finally rounded that bend, and I could not be more elated. I am no longer washing her clothes/sheets a thousand times a day, or my floors, or myself…typing that still feels unbelievable.
I mean this is truly HUGE for us truly, we never thought the spit-up would end. It has been a full-time job, and I have a special punch reserved for any person or doctor that says, “babies spit-up” as though it’s a mere tiny dainty dribble that exists their lips. It has been the The Exorcist here for 10 months. I realize that not all babies spit-up like Loris has (Wallis didn’t) but doctors sure don’t see the difference, and there is zero empathy for parents in our position. I truly can not believe we have reached this point.
When Loris first started talking it was random and not often, but now her, “hi dada, hi moma, hi dog and hi” are very clear and all the time! She does say “moma” instead of “mama” but I love it. She knows it makes me so happy too, so she gets bashful, wrinkles her nose and squeals when I light up after she has said it. ha! Loris says, “oh” a lot too and the other day when I wasn’t coming fast enough to her crib I heard her say, “oh moma, oh moma” Already disappointing her, ha! Wallis is trying every day to get her to say Wallis, and we’ve explained that Loris might be saying it already, but in her way, and it will take us time to fully understand. I know Wallis will flip when it does happen, can’t wait to experience that!
I think the most exciting part is how much Loris understands what we are saying without being able to communicate it. It makes everything easier. She really understands so much, and I loved that about Wallis getting older too.
To think Loris will be a year in a mere 4 weeks makes me proud of us for making it, all of us, but also sad, it will always be bittersweet no matter the challenges behind or ahead, it will never not feel sad.
I have really grown into my role as the moma, I cherish it all so deeply that I have to steady myself often. It is the hardest time of my life – there are days that I do not want to get out of bed from how overwhelming and repetitive the days are….but for the most part, it is the greatest time of my life and I can feel that as it happens. The only time in my life where the future feels heavy because it is already locked in the past. It breaks my heart as much as it gives it purpose. Happy 11 Months Loris, you have come so far, and we are so blessed to have witnessed it.