One Month with Wallis

Well we actually kept this sweet thing alive for a whole month…that’s shocking if I think back over the last four weeks. FOUR WEEKS…I can’t believe it has only been four weeks because with all the newborn insanity it has felt like four years. I have been riding one heck of an emotional rollercoaster and so far it has yet to slow down.

Andrew and I move nonstop all day long and when he’s working — my body is in a constant state of motion until he gets home and I can finally use the bathroom. I kid you not…it is hard to even remember to use the bathroom with a newborn.

Wallis is so delicious and we love her entirely too much and we are sore all over from leaning over to change her, feed her, pick her up, and hold her. I am not sure my neck will ever be the same after having her.

The best part of the last 4 weeks has been becoming her mom…I so love being Wallis’ mom…it is a title I am still getting use to saying out loud and one I am not sure I will ever feel good enough for. She is the most gorgeous and delightful love and my heart bleeds nonstop for her…I could never have imagined this kind of love before but the joy that I feel every single time I look at her is unexplainable…it is life altering.

The hardest part about the last 4 weeks has been the extreme sleep deprivation, the constant worry, breastfeeding, healing and gas pain. Wallis has had quite a bit of gas pain that our pediatrician has said repeatedly (I keep emailing him) is normal for their immature systems to go through — but boy has it set our world on fire.

To watch her strain, cry and work so hard to pass the gas has made me feel more helpless than I’ve ever felt before. We’ve done all the gas pain exercises and tried the gripe water but nothing seems to help but possibly time…the gas pain wakes her up a lot so days and nights are starting to blur.

I’m a vegetarian and eat a lot of what I refer to as “ruffage” (vegetables and fruit) and I started worrying it might be coming from my breastmilk…so this week I’ve cut my diet way back to see if anything I was eating was causing her extra discomfort. It’s hard to tell yet…but we’ll see.

Regardless, I have stressed myself out to the max over the gas pain and feel like I have gone a bit mad wanting to “fix” it…a character flaw that has never served me well. Andrew is taking it all in stride while I google around him every single option out there.

I have to keep reminding myself…she’s only 4 weeks…it has only been 4 weeks since you gave birth to her…calm down and know that this will pass and you’ll probably end up forgetting it was ever an issue. Oh I sure hope so!

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